I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
