I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
