I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
