chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
