I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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