I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
