I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
