My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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