Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
