I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have post one night stand depression
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