...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
