dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
