I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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