Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
