We need to rekindle our bromance
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
