the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
