I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
