I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
