3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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