Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
