Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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