so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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