woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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