yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were destined to go to rehab together
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
