Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
