It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
