i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
