Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
