I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
FUCK WHALES
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
