I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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