the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
