the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
porn star boner night. come get it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
