He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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