thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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