I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
