i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
