The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
