I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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