I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
