I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
