OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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