Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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