If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
