Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
