There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
