dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
