I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
