i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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