Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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