Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
