The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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