She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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