Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
