He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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