We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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