If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
