Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
