Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ttyl tear gas
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
