I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
