drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Quick, to the slutcave!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
