If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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