Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
