My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dear god my vagina.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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