You made me cry and you don't even care
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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